With All That I Am
by Bulletproof Bolly
Summary: Gene's POV in 2010- thinking about Alex, of course. One-shot songfic to 'The Basement' by JillandKate.


_Hello! I haven't written anything in...well, ages. Partly out of laziness/school, but also because of the fact that my computer has issues with Word at the minute. Anyway, I'm off school with nothing to do for ages, so I'm going to get back into writing! This particular one's un beta'd, because I just had the idea and wanted to get it written out as soon as possible. It's a songfic to _'The Basement' _by JillandKate. They're not very well-known, but I seriously reccomend checking their stuff out on iTunes, they're great.  
Anyway, it's set in 2005, and Gene's still thinking about Alex (duh!). Hope you like it- please let me know what you think!_

**With All That I Am**

Why the hell am I sitting here listening to music? The Gene Genie doesn't listen to music, especially not this kind of music. Thing is, I bought this music. I heard one of the girls in my team singing it the other day- I couldn't tell you her name, I don't remember it; none of them mean anything to me. They're nice enough- much more manageable than you ever were- but they're all the same. It was quite late; she was just turning her computer off and singing to herself. I just happened to catch a line or two of it, and I knew I had to hear the song, so I asked her where it was from. It took me ages to find the CD, but I got it eventually. When you were here, I would've refused to buy it because of the pink poofiness of the cover, but I couldn't care less now- and here I am, listening to it, wishing I wasn't.  
**_I need you_**  
**_More than I thought I did,  
_**When you left, I was sure I was going to be fine. I was sure I'd forget; and for a while, I did, until around four years ago. Then the world around me became more and more like the world you'd often described as home, and the memories came back. I know that, this time, they're not going away. I need you here; I don't understand any of this place, and I know you'd explain it to me. I know we'd have huge long arguments about procedure, because I'm sure that, if you were here, I'd trample all over the rules.  
**_I am empty,  
_****_I have nothing to give._**  
I know I'm nothing like I used to be. I follow procedures, wear a seatbelt and ignore my gut instinct altogether. Challenging the rules reminds me too much of challenging you, and I can't live with that. I used to be so harsh with my officers, but I loved each and every one of them; until you left. That evening, every other new team member was just a blur- I do my job, but I don't do anything more. I couldn't if I tried.

**_But it's not about me,_**  
**_This life that I live,  
_**It's about all the souls I have to help. I know it is- I know that now. I had to take an officer to The Railway Arms last night. I'm sure I'll forget soon enough, but I won't forget about you.  
**_So I need you_**  
**_More than I thought I did.  
_**I know I'm not doing my job as well as I used to. It means nothing to me- I just get it done in the hope that the time will come when I've saved enough souls to join you, wherever you really are.

**_I miss you_**  
**_More than I knew I would,  
_**How many times did I tell you how much I hated you? Too many to count. I was sure my life would be simpler without you- once you were out of the way, I'd forget and carry on with my job as if you were just like any of the others. I was wrong, and for once, I'm willing to admit that to you.  
**_I am lonely_**  
**_And misunderstood,  
_**You could argue that I always have been- but now it's worse than ever. You didn't agree with me, but you cared. Even when you were fighting me, you were a part of my team; a part of me. You were Bolly- my Bolly, and part of being Bolly was your 'holier-than-thou' attitude. The officers I've met since you left are all the same- bland, boring, meaningless. They're pleasant enough- or perhaps I just don't notice them acting like complete pricks. Either way, despite the fact that some of them have been psychotwatterists, none of them have understood me as well as you.  
**_It's not a race,_**  
**_But I'd run if I could.  
_**If I could, I'd get all of them into The Railway Arms as fast as possible so I could just get it over with and join you. Or run after them when I take them there and somehow fight my way in. If I could- if I didn't owe it to all the honest coppers out there to help them through this place, I'd run.  
**_'Cause I miss you_**  
**_More than I knew I would.  
_**I can't believe I'm admitting it- the Gene Genie doesn't get lonely, the Gene Genie doesn't miss people. He doesn't...I'm not the Gene Genie anymore.

**_And I love you_**  
**_With all that I am.  
_**I can't believe I never had the courage to tell you that. I was happy enough to face armed bastards any day, but I wasn't brave enough to tell you how I felt.  
**_And why you love me_**  
**_I don't understand,_**  
I know you cared. I know you trusted me- but I have no idea why. Why would you want to trust someone like me? Perhaps if you'd hated me, I would've been able to forget you.

**_It's overwhelming,  
_****_But I'll fight 'til the end,  
_****_'Cause I love you_**  
**_With all that I am,  
_**You always used to bang on about how you had to keep fighting- and that's what I have to do now. I have to fight until I've done everything I need to do, because that's the only way Nelson will let me in.  
**_I love you_**  
**_With all that I am,_**  
**_With all that I am.  
_**I love you, Bolly Kecks.


End file.
